Author Archives: berlemu

Anxiety’s effect on perception

Although anxiety can be a crippling mental health issue its symptoms are not limited to the emotional turmoil experiences by those who suffer from it. Anxiety can have a range of effects on all the senses of a person from how the brain interprets taste to phantom sounds and sensations over the body.

There are over 100 different symptoms that can be experienced from anxiety. Making everyone’s experience unique.

Symptoms of anxiety over senses

Vision
There is whats the eyes see which can trigger anxiety and there is what symptoms the eyes can experience as a result of anxiety. Triggers can be something relative to a fear of a suffer like being in a glass elevator when your afraid of heights, seeing a person who has caused some trauma or your scared, being in a room full of people etc these are things which can activate the fight or flight mode of the brain bringing on anxiety.

Anxiety can have some other effects on the eye. The increase of adrenaline can cause eyes to dilate or cause pressure on the eye. Theres also reports of tunnel vision, eye strain and blurred vision.

There is also some cases which there has been sensitivity to light and resulted in head aches.

There’s also some social issues experienced with vision. Eye contact with people can be a socially awkward experience as interactions with people can be a trigger. Sometimes even sunglasses are worn as a barrier so the person feels more comfortable with the interaction.

Sound
Sounds is an interesting one. Thinking of those scenes in a horror movie where a character is alone in a house and hears a sound like a creak or movement on floor boards in a house paints a picture of how anxiety and fear is fuelled by paranoia. This can be something that triggers an imagination of the worse possible scenario to go wild on what the sound could be. It plays on the brain and can terrify someone if there is a past traumatic event or even a trigger to a certain sound like a gun, explosion or certain type of vehicle.

There are also studies that show that anxiety can increase the appeared loadness of Tinnitus in the ears. There are some rare cases where there are reports of hearing voices.

Feeling & Touch
Tingling sensations, numbness, burning prickling sensation, shooting spark sensations, tremors, spasms, twitching, rashes, itches, hives, shooting paints and lack of circulation to hands and feet causing them to be ice cold are some symptoms which effect the body. One of the most interesting ones I’ve come across that I’ve experienced that I had no idea that it was a symptom is Phantom Vibrations where you feel the sensation of you phone vibrating say in your jean pocket only to discover you don’t have your phone on you or it didn’t go off. This one has be said to be an attachment anxiety.

SmellPhantom Smell
Another Phantom listing: Phantom Smell or Phantosmia is when smelling a smell that isn’t there. It can be a pleasant or unpleasant smell.

Taste
Anxiety can change your experience of what your tasting. It can alter what your taste buds are experiencing and translate tastes as more acidic, metallic or taste that feel off to what you remember.  

Balance-
In terms of how a persons balance can be effected is symptoms of vertigo and dizziness. Some people experience panic attacks where they black out and fall over. Also loosing control of co-ordination from overwhelming anxiety and high blood pressure can be experienced that affects balance.

Adding textures to portraits

Wondering if I could go in the direction of making a little book with textures, portraits and landscapes….. I fiddled with the looks of the coloured textures together on their own and then amongst the portraits from above ^ …. the following is also some of the succesful texture I like that have potential to go somewhere

And now how it looks portraits integrated around the coloured textures

How far Can I push CGI in my images?

With the heavy restrictions on leaving the house with the Covid 19 outbreak its makes it hard shooting interesting content for my folio.
SO….. what if I make my own content in Cinema 4d? ……

Apple explosions:

What If I make my own backgrounds?

SO, I turned those granny Smith apples into a pink lady fire work show… trialing the idea of using known objects as well as abstract sculptures….

Road trip snacks?

I want to try this with other furniture and white goods especially a front loader washing machine.

I’ll be taking more images of skys and clouds for future exploration

PHOTOSHOP MEETS THE ABSTRACT PAINTINGS

Like a breath of fresh air the photoshop has been unleashed FINALLY upon the painting Iv’e made finally *cries in relief* I was thinking it would be pretty cool to do an entire series on an Ipad but not this time round. Although it have had a huge development so far with the paintings.

I’ve tried saving a few versions but they all come up looking pretty crappy on Word press…. the colours are smoother and the dot of people are clearer so I don’t know what it going on here? …. Just have faith in my original file I guess

The drone footage is from an outdoor bath in Budapest, Hungary.

THIS IMAGE BELOW IS CLEARLY NOT FINISHED. I want to photograph someone fishing and catching junk :
Once the Isolation thing is over …. will attempt.


The flower image is something ripped from google images… I don’t have flower images in my personal stock sooooo just trialling this look.
This one trying to go for a something telling about Instagram, the pressure for the perfect image/make-up ….. just trialling looks

Plane is another google image grab. Im on a hunt for a plane model to photograph for this concept. If its not obvious this is the little infected world we are living in at the moment. **** Covid reference. Also the colours and tones look WOEFUL HERE. urghhhh I don’t know why it’s so bad? Im saving the files for web use. oh well. …. I think I’m going to have 2 planes for this idea.

I am really liking the theme/idea of making this little worlds or landscapes of these anxious scenes. Particularly the 1st one. I feel these images are being driven by the anxiety cause by the virus. I don’t know if it’s stretching the concept that like anxiety the virus isn’t visible out in the world. Its invisible until the symptoms begin… Like in a way anxiety. And this virus is causing SO much anxiety.

Golden baroque pieces stolen from google…. maybe I could make some golden things in 3d software? Gold and aqua look great togethr

I have thought about adding silhouettes of people walking on the bottom and making it about the work force and internet … but I think the pixilation around it is enough? …. lets be honest. I’ll probably take it for a spin in photoshop.

….. thinking more about it I think I will add more to it, ill add people who are walking aroung a forest or courtyard…. once again might have to wait till there are people out before flying the drone


I was originally going to make this into a surfing wave….. and add a shark
BUT now im thinking of making it into a beach scene and adding sand from a drone shot and people…. bonus if I can get a volley ball game —- I do have a drone shot of Santa Monica Pier – im thinking maybe give that a go?

^ and hour since I wrote ‘I should give putting Santa Monica Pier with it a go’ …..
LOOK its not the best thing I’ve ever created…. but my god I have done worse in my life.

Threw this one together quickly…. Im not mad at it…. the green things are like abstract trees….. yeahhhhh I dunno… does have this toxic and abandon look to it…. you know like how places are looking with the Covid 19 out break

I dont know what I’m doing anymore. Think its time for bed.

GOALS——–

*make a background for cars on a road and car park.

*Make a background for snow and shoot drone in the snow!!!!! OMG YESSSSSSSS — when apocalypse virus is over I mean

*And I HAVE TO DO A GOLF SCENE

THERE IS 2 SERIES COMING FROM THIS.

lanscapes with abstract paintings

and Anxiety collages.

MORE INSPIRATION

When it comes to images I am driven, inspired and live in awe of current pop surrealist artist. As much as I enjoy photography I will always have a longing to be an illustrator and painter. Photography makes image making easier but if I could be half as good as people like James Jean, Lori Early, Greg Simkins or Travis Louie I could burst with rainbows.

James Jean

Lori Early

Greg Simkins ‘Craola’

Travis Louie

Camila Rose Garcia

Esao Andrews

Jeremy Geddes

^ this image has been the backdrop on my phone for 5 years and I have this print up in my room…. this image is in my top 5 images of all time. love love love.

Lauren Ys

Alexis Diaz



Alien Nation

Play on words with alienation by adding ‘alien’ objects in different places, locations and scenes that I have photographed.

So the idea for this series…… due to not being able to go out and photograph due to corona virus and having to self isolate…… I have gone through some of the images i have taken in the last year and a half in my travels from the UK, Europe and America as well around the South and Eastern suburbs of Melbourne.

The idea plays with the ‘pink elephant in the room’ this really obscure object which is unfamiliar and unknown to people which is just out in the middle of a populated world with people unaware. The objects are made in Cinema 4D. They symbolise and from my production give anxiety/mental illness a physical form. Giving a physical presence to an invisible illness through artistic interpretation

Cinema 4D

Before March 12th 2020 I have NEVER used this program before. I knew it existed but all the previous 3D training I had experience in was Autodesks Maya.

I came across a free 2 month subscription to a site called http://www.skillshare.com which offers tutorials and classes for a range of arts, crafts and activities. I also decided to do a 2 week trial of the program Cinema 4D. LOVE IT. Seems to me to be user friendly – it was familiar in some ways with maya but still has its differences.

I’ve watched (currently) 7-10 hours of how to use Cinema 4D and followed a tutorial by a 3D artist called ‘Patrick 4D’ how to make the metallic pink sculpture. https://www.skillshare.com/classes/Creating-Abstract-Flowing-Tendrils-Using-Zero-Plugins/370496158/projects?via=user-profile

The render time for a single still is CRAZY long. for the image below of the pink object it took 26 minutes to render out.

There is a program which cuts render time down to a matter of seconds ‘Octane’ but the product doesn’t work with the current Mac software I have. I have emailed the company who made it and apparently in a couple of months an updated version will be compatible.

^ Need to put in shadow, put curtains in windows, dull out blue in sky, add glass refraction in bubbles and deform the background behind the view, add more high light to metal tendrils, make highlights from sun hotter and goldene

^ having a bit of trouble trying to get the yellow spheres to sit how I want them…. I want more of a range in size scale and more random in where they appear…. this is what I’ve got currently and it urghhhhhhh taking forever to understand and find out HOW to get the look I want….. also shadow needs work.

6/04/20 – *INCOMING WINGE my free trial for the program (Cinema 4D) ends in 2 days ….. I don’t have the money to buy a subscription at the moment with the corona virus thing happening and not having any work or centerlink going through…. This is concerning …. I might try to see if I can create this in Maya…. but I don’t think I will get the result I’m hoping for…. once again…. what else can I do?……

POTENCIAL BACKGROUNDS FOR MORE:

Mixture of square, panoramas and portrait shaped backgrounds.

Maybe could have people in the photos being oblivious?



APRIL 8TH …. Just adding some more experiments to this exploration…
I’m struggling to get the right textures, lightings and settings for objects. Getting good explosures and creating the look of real textures is proving to be difficult

^ Tooth paste on parade!
the exposure and lighting isn’t great. Highlights are blowing out. Haven’t bothered with shadows yet… want to cast the illusion that objects are floating and that the last structure is diving into the ground.

^Working with HDRI lighting to convey real reflections on metals to match the scene. Trying to get a texture on the metal of brushed metal is difficult. Maybe the bars are also too thick.

^ In Cinema 4D I can control focal length. So giving the illusion of an object being small is something I want to work on. Here the colours and lack of dimension isn’t good enough for the quality I want.

working on making the metal darker and more intimidating…. like its not from earth

I think an in between the two would be better……

I made a HDRI lighting effect which was in a rain forrest and then amped up the contrast and lighting on the metal texture

This one is feeling more realistic. Still looking into adding texture tot the metal…. either a brushed or roughness to the texture. My trial of the program ends to today, Ill look into the texture another time.

Current Manipulated Abstract Paintings

I will use these as a base …. I guess ‘landscapes’ for further manipulation and story lines. I have processed all these images so far only on my Ipad using the photo apps: Snapseed, Mextures and Glitche.
I am currently considering making a small size book using a selection of these images to tell a collection of one image stories about anxiety and fear.

With the use of paint for this series I was inspired by Rorschach tests. I did experiment with flipping and mirroring some of the images but found I didn’t have take so literal to achieve something an interesting image.
I have and will continue to play on looking into the images and finding pictures… i.e how people look at clouds and see pictures in them.

I want to continue my experimentation on these with Photoshop and including 3D effects – i REALLY want to try making 3D eye balls and add them to some of the textures – add to the uncomfortable sensation of being watched and help give shape to figures and creatures which have been formed by the paint…. making the appearance of things I see as living more obvious. … Hope that sentence makes sense…

I think the next step is pushing the work through photoshop. So far the Ipad has been great but not having the ability to selectively work on parts of the image is something that I want control of…. the apps work over the entire picture which I’m kinda over…..

^ really like the outcome of this picture, not a fan of some of the ‘staggered over pixelation’ ….. I need to just run wild in photoshop

Experimenting with video effects

THERE ARE ISSUES NOW THAT I HAVE TO FACE WITH THIS SERIES.

Besides I can’t really shoot portraits for this series due to social distancing from the corona virus outbreak… after shooting three portraits for this body of work its become apparent I’m facing issues with consistency.
Portraits don’t flow in terms of framing, zoom, lighting or positioning.
I need to come up with a formula. Same positioning of light and models need to be sat, I need a tripod and shoot with the eyes or nose in same place, I’m thinking eyes
The idea is that the portraits will be put together in a video format one after each other and loop.
SO in the meantime – experiment, try different things with what I currently have. Come up with the game plan. Lighting in the one spot. Line up for the eyes, shoot beneath colar bone.

Something I do want to do is have variety for the gif. colour/painting animation. Build up on different shapes, colour pallets, images etc.

The Idea of this series is showing ‘Mindfulness’ the process of meditating and overcoming anxiety, being in the present – not thinking of the worries of the future or stewing on the past. Showing the layers of thoughts and emotions…. even the cleansing of bad thoughts…. making for visual dynamic approach to my original themes- anxiety isn’t all doom and gloom with the approach artistically. The ability to deal with it and over come this mental illness is what really matters, not waiting to hit rock bottom to claw your way out of a hole is an approach I want to see from our health system/government. We focus so much on the pain, we are numb to seeing the chaos and destruction…. our society has these days ‘Are you ok day’ where people ask others ‘are you ok’? but what then? The confrontation of answering ‘no’ ….no one knows what to say or do? By all means, trying to bring attention to mental health is great but initiating this… isn’t tackling the problem. People aren’t ready or know what to do next. Theres still this stigma and unknown to how to approach/help/be there for someone whose mentally struggling. There’s this feeling and insecurity that you wont be taken seriously, the way you feel and what you are going through wont be validated but will be pushed aside because no one can see your problem, that your making this up for attention or whatever reason… Humans are a social species, the support and understanding of those around us is an important step in rehabilitation from mental Health issues. Education in this area in identifying and knowing how to deal with people who aren’t ok is something which is lacking in schools, work places and other communities.

^ this image was added April 17th. This portrait was painted on an Ipad in procreate, not photoshop.